Top 5 Things You Need to Know Being Back at Syracuse This Year

Syracuse students arrived back on campus this year with a bit of weariness. The Kent in the room was hard to ignore. As boxes and beer funnels were unpacked across campus, many students were left wondering what exactly this year will have, or not have, in store for them. Luckily for these concerned students, Jerk is here to give you the top five things you need to know about being back at school this year.

1. Thanks to the new landscaping and signage features put up over the summer, we can now truly see our tuition dollars hard at work, right before our eyes! Kent wrote over the summer about the “improvements” taking place — little did we know that these improvements would include large signs notifying us that, yes, we are on “the Hill.” These signs are scattered across Main and South Campus, and are already becoming such important landmarks they have replaced Castle Court in freshmen girls' profile pictures.

2. Probably one of the most talked about changes on campus this year is the closure of Castle Court (R.I.P.). Syracuse students from all walks of life are now deprived of the chance to confirm with their own eyes that each other actually exist. Most have been quick to credit this as the administration's reaction to 'Cuse being named the ~*Number One Party School. Also feeling the devastation is the people behind ”I’m Schmacked,” who are left wondering how the fuck they are going to get footage since they can’t get into actual parties... since there are no actual parties to begin with. They even helped us start a #SaveCuse campaign which is 0 percent satire and 100 percent embarrassing:

3. Not to be topped by Kent of course, the Newhouse School announced that Oprah Winfrey is coming to campus in September to dedicate the Newhouse Studio and Innovation Center. Although part of the student population is panicked that Oprah’s presence and the new studio will only bring a new and even keener generation of Newhouse freshmen, the rest of the school can’t wait to see what after-hours the big O will show up to.

4. The increased presence of DPS around campus is hard not to notice. The usually cheerful men and women of the DPS force are no longer twinkling their eyes at us as we eat shit onto the sidewalk in front of them. Their frowns are not turning upside down, and it is pretty easy to guess that this is another “thrust of the University’s strategic planning process.” These lovely protectors of the peace are probably under a lot more pressure to keep our number one partying ways under wraps. It is, however, easy to tell that they are unhappy about this as well, and I have faith that despite the loss of twinkle, the brave men and women of the DPS force will follow in the tradition of their profession and continue conveniently looking the other way. #Optimism

5. Once again, Kent is losing some serious chill points among students as the Advocacy Center remains closed and its services are “realigned” within the counseling center. Many students are upset about this for obvious reasons. Afraid that they might break the record for worst amount of PR in the shortest amount of time, the University has tried to calm to masses with “listening meetings.” Well, Kent, there was no one listening at the past two meetings, as they both took place over the summer. Should we start a #BringBackChancyNancy chant, or what?