The Morning After: How to Beat That Nasty Hangover
By Lauryn Botterman
Partied a little too hard last night? It happens to the best of us. Your head is pounding and your liver is begging for mercy, but at least you had a good time. If you can manage to function for a few seconds while you’re not literally spilling your guts into a toilet bowl, try out a few of these hangover remedies.
H2Oh duh.
Drinking lots of water is the tried-and-true hangover therapy. Here’s a hint: Approximate the amount of alcohol you consumed last night and double it—that’s how much water you need to drink. So, yeah, you’re gonna need a shitload of Aquafina to offset those six (or was it seven?) Saki bombs you vaguely remember downing. Alcohol is a diuretic (which basically means it makes you have to pee every 10 minutes), so after a long night of intoxicated shenanigans, your body is severely dehydrated. Replacing that lost water will help you feel like a human again. Coffee is also a diuretic; so if you absolutely need a caffeine boost from your daily cup of Joe, add an extra glass of water to your quota. Be sure to stay away from sodas, milk, or citrus fruit juices though—they’ll just upset your stomach even more. Make friends with your water bottle and keep it by your side at all times.
Beer Before Liquor…
Never been sicker; liquor before beer, and you’re in the clear. We’ve all heard the rhyme, but is there any truth to it? The jury’s still out as to whether this adage is really accurate. One thing is for certain, however: If you consume absurd amounts of any type of alcohol, chances are you won’t feel so swell in the morning. Depending on your alcohol tolerance, you might find that your body does not react well to mixing dark and clear liquors. Obviously the only surefire way to avoid a hangover is to pace yourself and drink in moderation. But let’s get real—this is college; the entire point is to reach an optimum level of drunkenness as quickly as possible. If you’re going to get shitfaced anyway, might as well avoid getting sick in the process. Choose one type of liquor and stick with it if you can. Hopefully, your night will remain sans vomit and your morning will be slightly less agonizing.
Sleep It Off
This is quite possibly the best hangover cure in the book. If you have the luxury of sleeping in, take advantage. Pop an Advil at 9 a.m. and then go back to bed. Set your alarm for half past never and pretend like you don’t have an eight-page paper to write or any actual responsibilities in general. Who wants to behave like a mature adult when you can consistently party like a rockstar and then wake up the next day tenderly spooning a handle of Smirnoff, dignity still semi-intact? With any luck you’ll make it out of bed just in time for dinner—revived, refreshed, and ready to do it all again in a couple hours.