Pick Your Poison: How Different Types of Alcohol Will Affect Your Sex Life

Sex and alcohol... the two things your typical college student simply cannot live without. Aside from the dreaded whiskey dick, how else do our favorite libations help or hinder our sex lives?

Here's everything you need to know about drunk sex.

Wine:

Wine drunk is a sleepy, silly kind of drunk. So naturally, wine drunk sex is silly and lazy in a way, too. It's the best when you're having it with someone you actually like. If you are not comfortable with the inevitable wine burps, this may not be the drunk sex for you.

Tequila:

Tequila is fiery and loud, and makes everyone person's alter ego come out to play. These alter egos have been known to steal things and get into bar fights about something like which team should have gone to the 1989 world series. Tequila sex is something that probably is best with a hot stranger, so you can forget about all the crazy things you said (or screamed) the night before.

Beer:

It takes more beer to get you to that next level drunk. Be ready for for bloaty and burpy sex. Have beer sex with someone you’re comfortable with, a pal or FWB. Beer sex is as casual as watching a baseball game with a friend while eating pretzels. Your typical all American, girl next-door kind of shit.

Vodka:

The cheap vodka college kids buy will black, you, out. Do not have black out sex. Nothing good can come form this. You won’t remember if it happened, if it was good, or if you did something horrible (i.e. vomit on a stranger and then fall asleep immediately). We’ve all been there.

Fireball:

Oh, the drink of the youths—spicy, hot, and cheap. Hopefully you don’t burp up your dinner with that burning vat of cinnamon liquid. Have fireball sex with some other cheap youth like yourself, and pray that they don’t get fireball dick and then sweat all over you.

Whiskey:

Sophisticated, strong. Perhaps the drunk sex to have with a potential sugar daddy or sugar mama? Afterall, what college student drinks nice whiskey? Stop kidding yourselves.

Drink and bone with caution, friends.