Drop the Excess Baggage
In addition to the poundage I’ve put on as a result of becoming a binge-drinking college student, there’s one thing I can’t seem to shed no matter how hard I try: romantic baggage from previous relationships. Even though I’m over my ex, because I emotionally invested so much in that relationship for four years, I’m not completely detached. We’ve been broken up for a while now, but I still find myself thinking about him, occasionally wondering what would have happened if we tried to make the long-distance relationship work. The emotional baggage of my past relationship still impacts me, even though he has changed completely (seemingly for the worse) and is dating some trashy chick who forced him to block my phone number because she is so threatened by his past relationship with me (maturity, ladies and gentleman…but I digress).
For me, and probably for a lot of you who have been in a relationship with one person for an extended period of time, it’s frustrating and difficult to completely detach from an ex. Experts say the more invested you were in the relationship, the harder it is to drop the baggage, no matter how long ago you called it quits.
I know how destructive baggage from previous relationships can be for both parties involved, and while it may not be easy to cut ties, there are ways to lighten your load of emotional baggage.
The Final Word
When you break it off, seriously break it off. The occasional “hey, how are you?” text is an issue. Make a clean break and stop communicating completely for at least a month. You don’t want to lead him or her on to thinking you’re still interested, and, more importantly, you don’t want to feel like shit when he or she stops responding to you.
No Games
Avoid being alone with your ex. If you are in a comfortable and familiar setting alone, chances are your emotions will get the best of you. You’ll probably do what you’re used to doing: hook up. This will start a vicious cycle of trying to be casual fuck buddies, which after being in a serious relationship is anything but casual. If you say no feelings are involved, I say that’s bullshit. When your ex moves on to the next you’ll probably feel used and worse than you did at the initial break up, so don’t play games.
Give it Time
Don’t jump into a new relationship right away. Getting wifed-up instantly couldn’t be worse for you emotionally. Chances are you aren’t ready and you may even impose the problems from your previous relationship onto the new one. By all means feel free to sleep around or go on a date or two, but don’t get too attached to your suitor.
Embrace being independent. Hell, be selfish. The world is your oyster and you don't have to share it. Live life being single-ish for a while and just do you. In time you’ll continue on to the next relationship in a healthy way, sans the baggage from the bad romance.