What Your Sex Style Says About You

By Lauryn Botterman

So you fancy yourself a sex god, eh? Can you make girls’ panties drop on command with just a suggestive sideways glance? Are you a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed?

Or maybe not. Maybe you occasionally question your lovemaking skillz, or you’re a little self-conscious in the sack.

Whether you’re a well-versed veteran or a newbie in the bedroom, your preferred style of intercourse can reveal a lot about your character.

Rough Sex:

I’m talking hair-pulling, hold-me-down, sweat-drenched, harder baby!!, bruise-inducing rough. After the act, your friends are confused as to whether you just came from a nooky sesh or a boxing match. It hurts, but it’s hot! In your world, pain is pleasure, and if your partner is into that sort of thing too, it can get borderline violent. Using protection might also entail helmets and shin guards. S&M anyone?

If you like it rough, it’s possible that you’re aggressive or short-tempered. Using sex as an outlet for pent-up anger or tension can be extremely satisfying, so long as your bedmate is up for a wild ride. But you don’t have to be a maniac to appreciate a bout of rough sex now and then. Every relationship (or one night stand) needs a little variety to keep the fire going strong. So wear those scratches, scars, and strangely placed hickies with pride: they say love is a battlefield, but your bed is where the combat really goes down.

Pornstar Sex:

If you’ve ever attempted to do it in reverse-cowgirl-pile-driver style, you might be spending a little too much time watching adult TV. Or maybe you legitimately enjoy contorting your body into shapes that only Olympic gymnasts can replicate. Porn-inspired sex positions can be lots of fun, but proceed with caution: one wrong thrust during your double-inverse-doggie romp and you could wind up with a dislocated pelvis. Ouch.

There’s nothing wrong with trying out some raunchy, kinky moves. And I’m willing to bet that it’s the people you’d least expect who are into the craziest shit: that shy girl in your bio class, the quiet guy who lives on your floor—behind closed doors, they’re probably bona fide sex machines searching for someone who can match their superior prowess. If you want to try something truly exotic and arousing, follow the advice of a wise man called Pitbull: fuck like a porn star. We can’t all be XXX icons, but we sure can pretend.

Awkward Sex:

Uhh…hmm …oh…oww…sorry…yea that’s good…wait, no, not there…

Sound familiar? We’ve all been there. Awkward sex is just… sloppy. Despite your mutual efforts—fumbling, groping, and repositioning— nothing seems to click. Whether he can’t get it up or can’t get it in, things could go downhill pretty fast. You might be inexperienced or just a little too drunk (newsflash: no one likes a whiskey dick). But think of this as a learning experience and vow to do better next time.

Sexy Sex:

Hot, steamy lovemaking à la Leo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet’s passionate sex scene in Titanic. Forget all that “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” fuckery—this is intimate, passionate, and even romantic. It might also involve scented candles, lingerie, Marvin Gaye, and chardonnay. You’re eager to please and you like to keep it classy. Kudos to you, my friend, for reaffirming that drunken, sub-par booty call sex is not the only option.

No Sex:

Sorry bud—looks like it’s you and your hand tonight.