What Your Jimmy John's Order Says About You

https://instagram.com/p/9oQCfFRvto/ Few things in life define who you are as a person. Some indicators–what you major in, your favorite movie of all time, and who you marry– say a bit about you. But naturally, nothing says it all more than what sandwich you get at Jimmy John’s. Jimmy John’s sandwiches are not just sandwiches… they are the gateway into your soul and can tell a whole lot about who you are as a human.

The saying, “you are what you eat” is certainly true when it comes to what sandwich you get at Jimmy John's. Here's what your order says about you:

Pepe: Ham, provolone cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayo.

The Pepe is a classic sandwich for a classy person. Someone who orders it is destined to go down in history like James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, or yours truly (this is my go-to order). They will also buy you dinner first before trying to get in your pants (what a gent).

Big John: Roast beef, lettuce, tomato and mayo.

If you order this sandwich, you definitely have a fetish for a tall, hairy, plaid wearing lumbersexual redneck whose name is probably Big John. The name just rolls right off the tongue and you cannot help but say it in a seductive voice.

Totally Tuna: Tuna, cucumber, lettuce and tomato.

If you have ever ordered this, then it was either your first time at JJ’s and you panicked when you reached the register or you were blackout drunk and and had no idea what you were about to put in your body– crossing my fingers you don’t totally yak your Totally Tuna after you eat it.

Turkey Tom: Turkey breast, lettuce, tomato and mayo.

Ironically how this sandwich is called “the original," yet you are undoubtedly the most unoriginal if you order it. You might as well walk around with a sign on you that says “basic.”

Vito: Salami, capicola, provolone, lettuce, tomato, onions and vinaigrette.

Mm, meat. You are the type of person who hangs around DJs hoping you find someone to take you home and when you don’t, you settle for a Vito.

Vegetarian: Provolone, avocado spread, cucumber, lettuce, tomato and mayo.

Let’s be honest, you just go to JJs for the free smells. You are craving meat but can’t eat it, so just smelling the meat holds you over as you choke down your cucumber and mayo sandwich. If you were actually looking for good vegetarian grub, you’d go to Strong Hearts or some place where processed meats doesn’t make up 99% of the menu.

Beach Club: Turkey breast, avocado spread, cucumber, cheese, lettuce, tomato and mayo.

If you are ordering the Beach Club, you are a bougie bitch who is dreaming of the day you can take off your Canada Goose and run away from these harsh Syracuse winters into the California sunset. Side note: people who want a freaky fast Beach club delivery wouldn’t even consider ordering JJ’s if it wasn’t for the avocado spread.

Moral of the story: next time you go to Jimmy John’s, think long and hard about what you’re going to order. The person behind you in line may be high key judging when you pick your poison… choose wisely, my friends.