Top Five Signs That You’re Just a Booty-Call

By Julia Fuino

Tell me the last time you saw two people holding hands on this campus. It’s about as rare as a two-dollar bill. The concept of committed relationships seems to be missed by about 95 percent of the student body. Go ahead and ask your midnight man, he’ll tell you. The longest relationship he’s probably had is the one night stand you’re about to be, and vice versa.

But say you want more and you’re interested in more than what lies below the belt. There’s no easy way to work that into a conversation and flat out ask him—and asking him while doing the dirty might just be the meanest thing you could ever do. Instead you need to pick up on clues. Like the movie says, how will you know if he’s just not that into you?

Here’s a list of the top five ways to tell whether or not you’ll make it past being Thursday night’s “slam piece.”

1. You don’t hear from him when the sun is out. And when you do hear from him, his texts indicate that high amounts of alcohol have been consumed because all you’re seeing is “yo lkets meet uuop.” Here’s the truth: if your guy only contacts you after a couple of drinks and past 12 a.m., he doesn’t want commitment—and of all people, he doesn’t want it from you.
2. He only stays in your bed until the deed is done, then he’s outta there faster than white girls getting wasted. To further prove my point that he doesn’t want commitment, this is a guy that is so disinterested in commitment that he doesn’t even have time for a stable fuck buddy. This also indicates that he’s getting it from a lot of girls. A lot of the time.
3. He hides his personal life (friends, family, details about his day) like a hidden porn collection in his parent’s basement. He doesn’t want pillow talk; he doesn’t care about your personal life, and talking about his means having to talk to you, which is not what he’s there for.
4. He gives the head nod rather than a “hey how are you.” He might acknowledge that he knows you by a nod, but that’s one of the subtlest ways of saying hello imaginable, usually done to avoid people seeing him stop and talk to you. Also, anything else might give you the wrong impression, something he doesn’t want to deal with.
5. Sunday through Wednesday, he’s “too busy.” My golden piece of advice: if you are into someone, busy or not, you look forward to spending time with them.; you make time for them. If he can’t stop and see you for a half hour even to just grab coffee, then he’s just not into you.

A friend of mine fell for a guy who was just not that into her. He made up excuses to avoid hanging out with her during the week that became pathetic, as he began running out of plausible excuses, one being: “My dog died, so I have to drive home to Jersey. Sorry.” Not only did she run into him at Chuck’s that night, but he was with someone else. Aside from blowing her off repeatedly, he would take hours to respond to text messages, would only have some ‘nighttime fun’ with her and when she would try and bring up relationship talk, the only thing coming out of his mouth were one word answers. They had been hooking up for about four months and not once did he ask to see her during the daytime. Not to mention, he left a condom on the floor of her bedroom! Ladies, if he doesn’t even have the decency to pick up after himself, after a late night rendezvous, he doesn’t give a shit about you.

You can’t force a relationship on anyone. If they don’t want it, you aren’t going to be ‘that special girl;’ you won’t be the one that’s ‘different.’ Disney made those movies to make money, not to blueprint your life. Be smart. Know who you’re dealing with.