The Week: 3/4-3/9

Sunday 3/4

- Everyone’s favorite train wreck, Lindsay Lohan, hosted SNL over the weekend. The episode scored big in the ratings, seeing as it’s the closest we’ll ever get to a fusion of Jersey Shore/Celebrity Rehab.

- Another big winner in the numbers this week was the premiere of Dr. Seuss’ ‘The Lorax,’ which raked in $70.7 Million at the box office.

Monday 3/5

- A pregnant Snooki announced this week that she is also engaged to baby-daddy Jionni LaValle. Shotgun wedding, anyone??

- Speaking of princesses, Disney’s first black princess endorsed watermelon candy and stereotypes this week with the launch of the ‘Dig’n’Dips’ candy line.

Tuesday 3/6

- Football phenomenon Tim Tebow was approached by ABC to star in the next season of ‘The Bachelor.’ Yes, single Christian gals everywhere, it’s game time.

- Everyone’s favorite self-proclaimed bachelor, Mike “The Situation,” launched his own gossip site called ‘Sitch News.’ The site will chronicle everything GTL, DTF, and Grenade-free.

Wednesday 3/7

- As anticipated, Apple launched the new iPad 4G this week. The new model is heavier and bulkier than its predecessors, prompting the question, “Is bigger really better?”

- A VERY pregnant Jessica Simpson posed nude on the cover of ‘Elle,’ following in the footsteps of other pop star moms like Britney, Beyoncé, and Celine.

Thursday 3/8

- Kelly Clarkson announced that she has had a secret boyfriend for “some time” now, once and for all assuring us that she is not a lesbian. We can all sleep easier now.

- A new report has officially declared teen smoking in America an ‘epidemic.’ That’s such a drag…

Friday 3/9

- Singer John Mayer has cancelled his “comeback” tour amidst growing vocal issues. Sorry dude, but Adele beat you to the punch.

- And good news for all you women headed to Friday Happy Hour: A new study suggests that women who unwind with a cocktail at the end of the day lowers their risk of having a stroke. Bottoms up, ladies!