The Week: 3/25-3/30

Spring is in the air and gossip is on the lips of everyone this week. Here is JERK’s recap of what you may have missed:

Sunday 3/25

- Former Vice President and shooting ace Dick Cheney underwent a full heart transplant this week. Doctors were startled to discover during the surgery that he actually DID have a heart.

- Speaking of fat, rich, white men: a new study released this week by the NY Times shows a growing gap between the wealthy and everybody else. That’s right – it appears the rich are getting richer by the minute

Monday 3/26

- ­The award for Sister of the Year goes to Khloe Kardashian this week, who dropped her spokeswoman post with PETA after big sister Kim got flour bombed by a protestor.

- Funnyman Jimmy Kimmel has been slated to host this year’s Emmy Awards. The show isn’t till September, but Kimmel has already vowed to make it the shittiest of shit shows.

Tuesday 3/27

- In health news this week: new findings suggest that chocolate helps people, particularly women, control their weight. Hershey’s entire product line is currently on backorder.

- Bobby Brown, ex-husband of the late Ms. Whitney Houston, was arrested for a DUI in California.

Wednesday 3/28

- You may want to be sitting down for this next one: Lindsay Lohan will appear on ‘Glee’…as herself. No word yet on how the writers plan to weave her into the plot, but we’re sure it’ll be the most entertaining episode to date!

- Here’s something to give you the drunk munchies: technology firm CNET unveiled their latest product: “Pizza at the Press of a Button.”

Thursday 3/29

- Wake up, San Diego! Ron Burgundy himself announced the long-anticipated sequel to ‘Anchorman’ this week. Shooting is slated to begin alter this year.

- Electronics giant Best Buy announced that they would be closing 50 stores due to dwindling sales for the first part of 2012.

Friday 3/30

- Filmmaker Spike Lee has reached a settlement with an elderly Florida couple after he mistakenly tweeted their address instead of the Trayvon killer. Always check your sources, kids!

- In wild and crazy news for this week: a California woman has filed Federal charges against McDonald’s claiming that the fast food giant forced her into prostitution in the 1990s. Would you like fries with that shake?