Sex Advice from Carly Cooper

By Carli Cooper

My roommate refuses to evacuate whenever I bring somebody home. How can I get some alone time with my gentlemen callers?

Roommates sure can be bitches. You’re both entitled to your space, but certain activities—like wild, experimental, collegiate sex—demand more privacy than something meaningless, like homework. A successful sexile without future payback is tough to pull off, my friend, but ride it out, and you’ll be pulling something off sooner or later.

Just keep in mind that this is a person who has access to every single one of your personal belongings. Unless you want your panties to suddenly become crotchless, try your best not to be overtly rude. Start by asking her if she wouldn’t mind giving you the room to yourself when you have your friend over later. Offer a time that she might be in a class or when she could easily give you a little more alone time by scheduling a lunch. If she doesn’t pick up on your blatant hints, up the ante.

Nobody likes to be the odd one out. It’s awkward and uncomfortable, so give this girl no choice but to fulfill the role of Designated Third Wheel. It’s respectful of you to want to spare her the audible slurps, moans, and groans that are essential parts of sex. But if this girl doesn’t realize how generous you are, you’ve got no choice but to proceed to step three.

Step three: Her bed. Go forth and conquer. Look, you’ve tried to be nice, but at this point, you’ve got no other choice. Don’t forget to leave the condom wrapper—she’ll want to know you were safe.

My boyfriend will only have sex if the room’s completely dark. How can I get him to keep the lights on?

Your boy’s preference for doing it in the dark most likely stems from insecurity. It’s painful enough being naked when we’re alone, but every stray hair, every birthmark, and every miniscule flaw becomes magnified under the discerning eye of our significant others. I’m sure you love him just the way he is, but he may need a little more coaxing before he’s ready to bare it all in the spotlight.

Nothing is sexier than candlelight, so ease him into the light with a softer, more seductive glow. The benefits of this trick are twofold: recapture some romance while also putting a flattering glimmer on your partner that he probably won’t even notice. Take this time to point out how sexy he looks and how hot it is to actually see him.

If this doesn’t work, mind games will. Everybody wants what they can’t have, so one night throw on your hottest lingerie underneath a big T-shirt and sweats. Tell him you’d love to show him, but it’s just too damn dark. Go ahead and count: I bet he makes it three seconds before scrambling out of bed to flip the switch. By taking the pressure to be sexy off of him, you’ll set his mind at ease. Chances are his mind will focus more on the lowering of his pants than the dimming of the lights.

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