The Art of Sexiling

By Lindsay Dolak

The idea of requesting, whether politely or forcibly, your roommate leave the room you share and then proceeding to lock and possibly white sock the door, may seem like unfair and potential fight-inducing behavior. I mean, why would you purposefully leave your roommate out in the empty, dirty-carpeted dorm hallway? Oh, you’re trying to get it in? Well, that just changes everything.

Sexiling is an increasingly common act on college campuses as students from campuses near and far seek out a private place they can turn into pound town. If you have been sexiled, think you might be, or think you might have to sexile your roommate, here is some situational advice for the art of the sexile.

The Sexiler:

Sexiling is easily one of the best practices I’ve encountered college students doing. Asking for some alone time with you and your current hook up is actually a completely understandable thing to do, provided that you aren’t a total bitch about it and certain stipulations apply.

Sexiling is appropriate if:

- You give your roommate some advanced warning. If he or she is at class or otherwise out and about, it’s only fair that you at least send a warning text letting him or her know what’s really shaking behind your shared entry way.

- Your roommate has not recently received any earth-shattering and/or bad news. If he just found out he’s not getting into Newhouse or she just heard that her fave sorority cut her during recruitment, they deserve some time with Ben and Jerry in bed without you banging away in the next bed.

- You don’t do this all the damn time! If this is an every weekend, possibly week-night, occurrence, then I’m here to give your roommate full permission to contest your request. “I had a roommate freshman year who would lock me out every night of the weekend to hook up with some guy. After a while, it’s like really? I’m just trying to wash this frat off my face and get to bed,” said Emily, a sophomore. Don’t cause unnecessary drama because you have a constant need to B you L on some T’s. Hook-ups come and go. Roommates are forever (in college time).

The Sexiled:

In my opinion, the term “sexile” falls second on the creativity scale to only one other sex-related term: “sexodus.” Urban Dictionary defines a sexodus as “the predicament one find’s oneself in when displaced from one’s room because one’s roommate is utilizing the aforementioned room for carnal pleasures, and one must find a way to pass the time until the room becomes unused again.” Genius, right? However, you may not think it so great when you are the one being locked out of all the homey comforts of your spacious abode.

Like sexiling, there is also an art to being sexiled and here are the basics:

- Don’t be a bitch about it. I understand the frustration, but assuming you’ll also have the potential for a random college hook up, or even a steady sexual relationship, you’re going to want your roommate to get the eff out so you can get the eff on at some point too.

- Don’t get taken advantage of. In regard to the above point, obviously things can get out of hand. Don’t let your roommate consistently kick you out and turn your shared space into his or her sex dungeon. Stick up for yourself and the sake of your stuffed animals that are being forced to watch the fornication.

- Bring homework, snacks, and a phone charger. Oh and headphones! Just in case your floor doesn’t have a lounge and you’re pretty much forced to sit right outside the door.