Tell Em’ I’ve Gone Fishin’

Get off the hook

It was when I was embarking upon a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon that I came up with this week’s column: being on ‘the hook’. Besides the show being nothing short of legen—wait for it … DARY, I happened to stumble upon a conversation later that night in which I was able to put my addiction to good use.

I found Sara* gushing about Donovan,* this guy from her PSY 329 class that she’s been shamelessly pining over for the past semester, all day everyday. And when I say shamelessly, I mean she's one step away from that 3-year-old crying over Justin Bieber.

But, apparently, they’re ‘just friends’. Right. Now it’s not just the spontaneous batches of cupcakes Sara makes for Donovan, simply ‘because’, that ticks me off – I love cupcakes. It’s the fact that Donovan has been in a relationship with Amanda* for two years yet he keeps giving Sara little bits of hope every now and then to keep her on ‘the hook.‘ God damn stupid shiny lures. Sara, who receives text messages saying, “If I wasn’t dating Amanda, we’d totally be going out,” still gets the ‘friend’ talk and some bogus excuse every time she hints at the future.

For those of you who are on somebody’s hook, just waiting for the relationship to come to an end: don’t hold your breath (unless you don’t, in fact, need oxygen to live). When you’ve given them the attention and seduction they’ve been looking for outside their relationship, there is no driving force pushing them to change the circumstances. It’s kind of like what my mother always says, “Why buy the cow, when you’re getting the milk for free?” While for one, you are no cow, or even a fish at that, more importantly, this guy or gal is obviously not the catch-and-release type! Why are you just chilling, hanging off their hook?

If you don’t believe me, give them an ultimatum. Tell them you simply can’t do this anymore and need to know whether they’re ending their relationship at any time century. Chances are they’ll offer you reasons like, “I’m waiting for the right time to break the news ” or as Dane Cooks says, “I can't just dump Kim, its not that simple, my CDs are in his truck. I can't just walk away from 40 or 50 CDs.”

If that hasn’t got you reconsidering your place under the glass box labeled “break in case of an emergency,” consider this: if Donovan is so willing to spend this much time convincing Sara with his allusions to a possible future relationship while he’s already in one, what’s going to stop him from continuing this trend when he dumps Amanda’s ass for hers?

We’ve all been on someone’s hook and we’ve all put somebody on ours. Looking back, I’m sure you can think of a guy or girl you’ve kept waiting on the sidelines should you need a sub-in, and at one point you’ve caught yourself wearing the red shirt hoping for your shot. While you might not be dolling out foot rubs, making spontaneous batches of cupcakes, or creating mix tapes for your ‘friend’, (or perhaps you might be) it’s time to take matters in your own hands. Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

*Names have been changed to prevent utter humiliation.

Kaitlyn Monteiro is a regular contributor to Single-ish In Syracuse, updated every Thursday.