Teleportation and Time Travel

By Shea Garner

The existence of time-turners and the ability to apparate might not just be limited to the wizarding world of Harry Potter. A few recent stories in the news have left many readers lifting their eyebrows at the possibility of both phenomena.

Reports recently surfaced on the web of what’s being called a heated international quantum teleportation race. And that’s not all—a Washington lawyer recently made the news for claiming to have been part of a long running government time-travel program.

With our exponentially increasing technologies in the past ten years, stories like these are no longer hidden within the sci-fi section of Barnes and Nobles. No 90s dweller could have ever fathomed the concept for the iPad. Hell, we were still waiting twenty minutes to get a decent nude photo to load. Quickly sending data across the Internet has been an unmatched feat of innovation in itself. Replace data with a human and quantum teleportation is suddenly a fathomable recipe.

Still, our Washington lawyer’s claims seem a bit more convoluted. Said to have participated in the time-travel program since age seven, the man purports that he’s attended many historical events of the past, even including the famous Gettysburg Address! Now we know how they got Daniel Day-Lewis’ spot-on impression of Lincoln. Citing a hole opened in time and space as his preferred method of travel, this attorney might not appear at the top of your defense list. Although Einstein had successfully theorized that time travel is possible, it certainly seems a bit less feasible than that of a data exchange (to put it simply).

In a world where consumer technology can be both impressive and baffling, it’s hard to know what type of knick-knacks the government has their hands on. Area 51 might want to cover their tracks, cause we’re onto you. Don’t lie—you know you’re slightly geeking out right now. And if not--seriously?--tweet us @JerkMagazine and tell us why. Hey, you can always head back in time and take back your decision to . Or you could just delete it.