Relationships Post-Grad
By Julia Fuino
What happens when you’re dating someone who is graduating in a week? It was much different in high school; there wasn’t as much uncertainty as there is after college. You either went to school together or you didn’t. But when you’re in college and have been dating someone long enough, things can move pretty quickly. Some couples even get married soon after college. Scary isn’t it?
A lot of different things are going through your head as graduation approaches: Where is he or she going to end up? Are we even going to continue this? How much will this change things? I can’t sit here and tell you what’s going to happen because I don’t know your relationship, and I won’t pretend to. But, here is some advice and insight from people going through similar situations.
Steve Jones, a graduating senior is dating another senior. Both are headed in different directions, he to California and she to New York. “I’m willing to make it work. We talk about it a lot since she got the job offer in the city. I want her to be happy but I can’t lie it’s not going to be easy,” Jones said. “I’ll be in school and she’ll be working, and the time difference—it’s just going to be hard. Our schedules won’t match up all the time, but we’ve talked about a future together for a while now. We can make it work.”
It’s good to have a plan if you know you’re headed toward something more serious than a college relationship. My best advice here is to make sure your relationship is “off-campus.” On campus, your time is either spent in class, studying, out with friends, napping, or spending time with each other. It can be a lot easier having a relationship with someone when they’re less than two minutes away and live the same campus lifestyle. But, what happens when you nix the campus vibe? If you don’t think that person will fit into what you see yourself eventually doing with your life, chances are, it’s not going to work out. Keep that in mind.
Krystina O’Connor, a junior, has had a senior hook-up all year. She says they aren’t exclusive but there may be a chance for a future together. “Well, we’ve talked about it. We just decided that we’re going to focus on ourselves and continue this non-exclusivity until something happens—if it happens,” O’Conner said. “We went in with no expectations. It was just a hook up. For me, at least, it became something more, but I’m not expecting anything to change. He’s moving away and I’ll be here.”
It’s hard to have expectations when you’re just casually hooking up with someone. Sometimes you go into it thinking it’s a one-time deal, but sometimes you want to keep it going. The one thing you shouldn’t do in this situation, however, is kid yourself. If you want more, tell them you want more. What’s the worst that could happen? Newsflash: they’re graduating. If they felt the same way, they’d make the time. If not, they move on, you move on, and no awkward run-ins will ensue because you’ll be in two different places.
While you should keep in mind the obvious, don’t avoid a relationship with them just because you’re afraid of what’s going to happen after he or she graduates. I know I’m the first to say, “Nicholas Sparks needs to tell his vagina to stop writing books,” but I’ll also say this: BE OPEN TO LOVE. Don’t be closed off for reasons that are out of your control because you never know what could happen!