Why 24-Hour Quiet Hours Simply Doesn't Make Sense

The time has come for us to realize on a scale of A-F exactly how intellectually screwed we are. The next seven days will confirm one of two things: that you’re ready for adulthood and mature decisions, or that you're not.

In light of the many pressures of this week, the university implements several rules that we are apparently mature enough to follow. To be fair, some of the steps taken do have moderate success: for starters, increasing the hours of the dining halls. Despite the poor quality of the dining hall food on campus, college students in general become more vulnerable (and their tastebuds less picky) during this time of the year. We're also not complaining about the very fluffy puppies in the Schine student center every Sunday night before the ominous finals Monday. This, I feel is a commendable effort pawing at the right direction.

However, some of the other efforts taken by the university to advance collegiate brain functionality will predictably fail. One of these efforts is instituting 24-hour quiet hours in all residence halls. One of the primary reasons this fails: even the RAs have to helplessly watch as their floor literally guffaws in laughter when they hear the news. What “24-hour quiet hours” means is this: we are not allowed to emit any kind of sound that is not behind the well-closed door of our own rooms. As for the lounge, the new requirements are: Amplitude – 0, Frequency – 0.

In all due respect, this policy is laughable. My RA just so happens to be sitting next to me witnessing one of my floor mates hyperventilate (not quietly, might I add) about winter break. This is reason one that 24-hour quiet hours is a ridiculous joke. In fact, throw a random yell into the lounge for every time you read the words “24-hour quiet hours” in this article and look around for somebody who gives a shit. (I basically substituted random yell for a shot, yes. Indulging in alcohol before finals is that fine line between crazy study techniques and clinical insanity).

Here are all the reasons why 24-hour quiet hours are absolutely absurd.

• 24-hour quiet hours is ridiculous because social courtesy is a real thing. So if people want to give each other bear hugs in the lounge and weep about their respective failures… it’s a free country, you know.
• 24-hour quiet hours is ridiculous because group study actually does help a minority of the population. If you were smartly thinking “library” when I mentioned group study, I’m sorry… the library is just a collection of sweat, anxiety, and body odor. The lounges are slightly less so.
• 24-hour quiet hours is ridiculous because there is a TV in the lounge that believe it or not, gives off sound with video display. I pay full tuition guys.
• 24-hour quiet hours is ridiculous because it’s Christmas time and that automatically means you are subject to carols and the occasional Christmas jig across the floor of the lounge. It's part of your rights to religious freedom and oh, freedom of speech.
• 24-hour quiet hours is ridiculous because ordering food is a group activity. Eating Calios or pizza alone at college is practically unheard of. We live on a budget that cannot afford luxuries like ordering food sans other people with the same limited financial abilities.
• 24-hour quiet hours is ridiculous because I just witnessed the single greatest boon of mass communication: one of my floormates had forgotten that her Arabic oral interview existed until someone came and actually talked to her. In the lounge. Thus saving her grade and proving once and for all, we thrive only in group settings.

So there you have it. Did you gift a random yell to your respective lounges every time you read the words “24 Hour Quiet Hours?"Did somebody come running with fury that you’re violating the rules? No, they probably just came to check if the crazy person screaming was well and healthy and only under mild exam stress. If this did not occur, I have dutifully confirmed that nobody actually gives a shit, guys. Happy yelling while you’re supposed to be studying.