Filthy Hot Mess
By Emma McAnaw
Both males and females have reason to be excited that the ultimate queen of sleaze Ke$ha is coming to Syracuse University. Girls, you now have the perfect excuse to go out in public in nothing but a bedazzled bra and mounds of glitter. The women at this concert are willing to look their trashiest—even worse than a Playboy bunny on Halloween (or any time of the year, I guess). The motivation for the male population of Syracuse to attend this concert goes without saying. A room full of half naked dancing girls is like the coming of the messiah for our beloved SU horn dogs.
Ke$ha may have copyrighted the ability to be the trashiest (and shiniest) person on the planet, but Syracuse students definitely know how to keep up. At least four days a week the campus bursts full of strangely dressed students, hell bent on getting wasted. On College Prowler, Syracuse University was rated 35th in “Most Raging Party Scene,” and 1269th in “Tamest Party Scenes.” You do the math.
With a reputation like that to uphold, it’s no wonder you can go out every night of the week. You know you have a problem when you’re looking forward to Wine Wednesday. But as we get older it’s important to remember there’s a thin line between being the life of the party and a downright mess. There is nothing more embarrassing than being a sophomore mistaken as a freshman. The shameful experiences of being a embarrassingly young on the party scene should be forever hidden, not being relived a year later. Unless you want your friends forcing you into Alcoholics Anonymous, try not to pull the craziest stunts every time you go out. Let your friend bask in the glory of being the biggest mess of the night every once in a while.
As much fun as it is to go absolutely nuts every so often, it’s not enjoyable to realize everyone has begun to recognize you as the token shitshow. Go ahead and prove just how long you can do a keg stand (hopefully that’s not your greatest accomplishment). But if you find yourself having to clean up both physical and emotional messes every time you go out, you might want to consider reining it in a little. Ke$ha is paid to be this embarrassing, you will just be mocked.
What do you think about Ke$ha? Got any crazy going out stories? Share them below or tweet us @jerkmagazine.