Executive Orders that Would Actually Improve America

“President” Trump seems to have an affinity for bans, and maybe he really does think they will make America great again. But the latest executive orders signed haven’t been very helpful to the American people, and honestly do not meet what the world needs right now.

Still, if we are in the banning spirit, we’ve got some better ideas than the ones we have seen in the first two weeks of Trump’s term. Here are 6 executive orders that would actually help.

Camo Ban

Listen, if we are going to be banning things, camo has to go. Camouflage clothing has no place in civilized society. If you are hunting for food, go for it! Live your dream! If not, leave the camo at home.

Executive Order #1: Camouflage of any sort is henceforth banned from use in the United States outside the confines of hunting scenarios.

Svedka Eradication

Svedka is satan’s most insidious creation. It tastes like rubbing alcohol and gasoline with a firm promise of hangover. For that reason, there will be a Svedka ban in these United States to better serve the citizens of this great country. Any Sved drinker can go back where they came from (Sweden/Hell)!!!

Work Permit Vetting: Experience In A Service Industry Job

If you’ve ever had a job in the service industry, you know how dickish people can truly be. Earning minimum wage to be spoken down to as a waitress or retail worker isn’t ideal, but it will teach you how to be a proper, decent human. Don’t expect to support yourself or your family on this unlivable pay, though! Here in America, we don’t believe in paying hard working people enough money to maintain a regular standard of living! :)

This executive order requires that before any U.S. citizen enters the workforce, he/she must work for a year in some sort of service industry job. This will serve to teach basic human decency and create a more accepting and polite America, especially when in line at the grocery store.

Humidity

In the event of humidity above 60 percent, all K-12 schools will cancel classes for the day. It is inhumane to ask people to leave their houses in those conditions. Hair frizzes, pits sweat, and makeup runs. It’s just not right.

To improve the quality of life for Americans across the country, this executive order will take effect immediately.

Meme Policy

In order for Americans to more easily follow politics, our laws and other government documents should be written in common English, rather than in academic language. And since we are living in the Internet age, this means the inclusion of hella rad memes. Therefore, any new policy must now include memes and/or gifs to aid and encourage citizens’ understanding.

Dogs

There need to be more dogs. Dogs everywhere, all the time. Please and thank you. That’s it. That’s the entire executive order: dogs.