An Open Letter To A Long-Distance Lover

My baby,

I miss you as always. We reunite for Thanksgiving in 19 days and I am counting down the minutes until I can hold you in my arms again (there are 27, 360 give or take with traffic on I-81). I know it’s your favorite holiday because of the turkey legs, but it’s my favorite because I get to see you.

I can’t stop thinking about your big brown eyes, your sandy yellow hair, and your goofy smile (even though your breath stanks). I dream about long walks by the lake with you by my side. I even miss those sleepless nights when you hog the entire bed and growl in your sleep. People tell me I’m too obsessed, but they just don’t understand.

I know, I know—college is a time to explore life and meet new people, blah blah blah. But it’s just impossible to forget you. Ten years later and you’re still the only one for me.

People suck. For starters, they never stop talking—mostly about themselves—and I have to listen. It’s like, shut up, I don’t care that you lost in your fantasy football league or that your roommate ate your leftover Chinese food. Everyone is so boring. I miss how you always leave me wondering what you’re thinking.

Get this—I accidentally dropped some yogurt on the kitchen floor the other day and asked this boy to lick it off so I wouldn’t have to mop it up… and he said no. Can you believe that? Literally so selfish. It reminded me of that time I spilled a whole bag of salt and vinegar chips on the rug and you practically vacuumed them up with your mouth, even though you totally hate that flavor. That’s true love. But what I truly miss most is how you’re always the happiest to see me. I’ll go to a guy’s apartment to hangout and he doesn’t even pee on the floor with excitement when I arrive. Such a slap in the face.

How are things back home? I hope you’ve made progress with that hole you were digging in the backyard. I bet you’re sad it’s too cold to go swimming now, but you better not run across the pool cover and rip it again. I heard you are being rude to the mailman too—I’m sorry that you’ll never be fast enough to catch his truck, but it’s time to let it go.

Anyway, I miss you more every day. Long-distance relationships aren’t easy. We both need to put in the effort to make this work. The key to any successful relationship is respect and compromise. If you stop sleeping with my mom, I’ll stop going to the pet store to play with puppies. Deal? And can you please try to call me more often? I understand it’s hard to operate a cell phone without thumbs, but next time dad FaceTimes me, it won’t kill you to wake up from your 15-hour nap to say a quick hello.

Can’t wait until the next time you lick my face.

Love always,

Kelly