An Ode To The Infamous Ernie Davis Dining Hall Acoustics

More often than not (aka daily), Ernie Davis dining hall disappoints me on an emotional and physical level. If you think that’s dramatic, picture yourself strutting through Ernie with a half-eaten plate of soggy stir fry, strawberries that taste like nail polish remover, and SexyBack by Justin Timberlake ringing awkwardly in the background. I can barely decide what to pile on my plate next because I'm so busy thinking about the speed of my strides to avoid walking to the beat out an outdated, 2006 hip-hop disaster.

The real question is, who the fuck picks the Pandora Stations in Ernie Davis Dining Hall? This musical criminal needs to stick to what he knows, which is cooking diarrhea-inducing dinner.

I’ll admit, I do like ramen noodle-haired J.T. music and Whitney Houston’s Pandora station hits home in times of need. But this is never true on Monday mornings at 8 a.m. Note to whoever is switching on the 2000s Power Hour or 90s Love Songs radio: perhaps a Miles Davis or Jack Johnson Pandora Station may be a safer and more lighthearted start to a Monday. Heck, even Selena Gomez would be an improvement.

It's not all bad though. Ernie Davis’ musical stylings around lunchtime are usually pretty promising. There’s gotta be a 55-year-old dude making those dank-ass grilled cheeses in the back cranking that Rolling Stones Pandora. He just, gets it. We are all about halfway through our day and need nothing more than to listen to simple sounds that remind us of the glory days (before we were born).

Finally, there’s the dinner tunes. I kid you not, I have heard Tik Tok by Ke$ha play at least 4 times already this week. It’s been rough, but most students are feeling rowdy as they carbo-load before their Thursday night adventures and kinda just go along with it. But I think it’s time we take a stand instead of settling. Speaking on behalf of every underclassman with ears: stick to that Odesza or Justin Bieber Pandora Station. Summer Hits of the 90s is also a fan favorite. Really anything but the current lineup would be an improvement.

Don't get me wrong, I still appreciate you Ernie Davis. #TenderTuesday is never a bad day, even if Daniel Powter is echoing in my ears. Perhaps the mediocre music choice is a strategy of corralling kids in and out of your institution as efficiently as possible. If that’s the case, kudos to you. That is truly brilliant. If not, and your DJ is simply clueless, I respect your efforts but strongly recommend a musical rebrand. Please contact me for more suggestions.