A Ladies Guide To Manscaping

By Lauryn Botterman

Listen, boys, it doesn’t take much effort for you to get ready for a night out—quick shower, spritz of Axe, throw on your trusty t-shirt and jeans, stuff a condom in your pocket—and voilà. Donezo. But let’s not beat around the bush: there are certain aspects of your look that could use a little more attention: your pubes. Often neglected during your rushed pre-party routine, (and for the benefit of your sexual partners and your own dignity), it’s high time you gave your furry friends below the belt a bit of TLC.

There’s no shame in a little manscaping sesh now and then. It doesn’t compromise your masculinity— in fact, it’s a sign of self-assurance. Whether you’re a bro, a hipster, or a gangsta, taking care of your balls sends a singular message (all together now): “I am a man, and I am proud of my junk.”

Not only is a tamed bush more conducive to air flow whilst grinding on the dance floor, it is also very much appreciated by female (or male) cohorts when things get hot and heavy. There’s just something slightly off-putting and gross about being faced with a massive, frizzy tangle of pubic hair when about to go down on someone. And if you’ve never seen your own dick from that angle—it’s not exactly an appealing visual to begin with. We’re doing you a favor here. The least you could do is keep the lawn trimmed; make it seem somewhat presentable.

I’m not suggesting that you give your gonads the Vin Diesel. You don’t have to take it all off—although if you are modestly endowed, there are some who claim that less hair down there gives the illusion of a bigger schlong. But as a general rule, just keep it short and neat. If it’s long enough to braid or wrap around your finger, it’s probably time for a grooming. Your best bet is an electric trimmer or even good old-fashioned scissors, as long as you’ve designated whichever appliance you choose specifically for this purpose. I don’t want to inadvertently use your pube scissors to trim my split ends, so label that shit or keep it in the back of your sock drawer. You could even go the razorblade route, but use caution: Stubble on your jawline—hot. Stubble on your nether regions…not so much.

Girls regularly endure all sorts of prodding, pulling, tweezing, and burning to keep our bodies smooth and supple. And in return, we expect—nay, demand—that you keep your privates looking tidy at all times.

So manscape away, boys, and thank you in advance.