7 Sex Positions Inspired by Reality TV

By Kelsie Testa

I love reality TV – almost as much as I love sex. So how great would it be to combine the two? And no, I’m not talking about watching reality TV while you’re having sex. Instead, I bring you these seven smokin’ positions, each inspired by all my trashy television favorites.

The Apprentice

You’re fired…up! Guys: sit at your desk chair and have your partner sit on your lap, stretching forward and putting his or her hands on the desk for leverage. Men, as they’re sliding up and down, grab their hips and lift them up so you can watch yourself as you thrust. Think doggy-style, but more corporate. Donald would be proud.

The Sister Wife

A good old-fashioned threesome, just like Joseph Smith would have wanted. For a FFM threesome, the guy should lie down on his back, while Girl #1 places herself on his face, and Girl #2 is free to ride him as she pleases. Besides dual below-the-belt action, this position allows the girls to explore their “spiritual union” while making out and caressing one another.

The X-Factor

Girls, as your guy lays down on the bed face-up, straddle him, facing towards his feet. Lower yourself onto his penis, extend your legs back towards his shoulders (forming an “X” with his legs), and then bend your torso forward. You should slide up and down, using your feet for leverage. As you both come, make sure to yell out Simon Cowell-approved insults.

The Deadliest Catch

For this move, you’ll need a beach. Lie down on top of one another at the edge of the shoreline, with both of you extending your legs straight out (this increasing tightness and friction). he added sensation of the waves crashing against your naked bodies will have you both singing like The Little Mermaid.

The Fist Pump

The perfect position to use up against the wall of a shower or your bedroom, the Fist Pump adds a juicehead twist to a classic move. Guys, lift your girl up and press her back against the wall. Girls, wrap your legs around him and use one hand to brace yourself against the wall. Guys, then place a hand on her hips for leverage when you thrust – but don’t forget to keep one hand free to perform the classic motion for which this position is named.

The Cock Boss

Tie your partner’s wrists above his or her head and eat it like it’s a piece of cake. Fondant optional.

The 16 & Pregnant

Just kidding.