11 Reasons to Finally Buy a Sex Toy

Sex toys: an essential for any independent young woman. The hush-hush factor attached to owning a sex toy needs to be lifted — one shouldn’t walk into a sex shop covering their face, but instead hold their head high, proud of their sexual independence. For those who either don’t think they need one or are too shy to try one, give it a go! You have no idea what you’re missing out on. Here’s a few reasons why you should finally buy a sex toy (and don’t worry, your interaction with the dude at the check out counter won’t be nearly as awkward as you think).

1. It’s a good investment. Sex toys may be a bit on the expensive side, but the return on your investment is worth it, tenfold. Most people are skeptical when they first buy a sex toy, but it will be worth it time after time after time.

2. It’ll keep you out of trouble. Yes, we’ve had those times when we find ourselves rubbing up against furniture, getting hot flashes at the sight at any mildly attractive lad, and being tempted to text your sexy ex — we are only human after all. Your silicone squire will sort you out on demand, leaving your libido satisfied and you out of trouble. Phew!

3. Procrastibation. What better way to procrastinate! It’s more proactive than spending several hours refreshing your Facebook newsfeed or stuffing your face with junk food. And once you’re done, you’re done. You’ll feel satisfied, energized and ready to get back to studying.

4. Whenever, wherever. There is an array of sneaky sex toys that allow you to please yourself wherever you may be and whatever the occasion. I’m not promoting public masturbation, but say you’re the only one left in Bird and in need of a little fun, there’s no shame on walking on the wild side — just try to keep it DL.

5. Size is up to you. It’s devastating when you really like someone BIG time, but when you unzip those jeans for the first time to find he has a very, very little friend. This is heartbreak before you’ve even got time to fall in love. In a flash, your future ride into the sunset together disappears. Fear not, you’re 9 inch vibro-3000 will never shrink... never.

6. No strings attached. This is the real no strings attached. Instead of being left with that empty and lonesome feeling after sex for the sake of sex, you’ll feel like you’re on fucking cloud nine.

7. They can do things that no human can. Yes, some sex toys can be confusing at first. But fear not, once you’ve read the instruction manual thoroughly and ease yourself into it, you’ll feel like Cinderella at the ball. So much better than trying to get a guy to please you.

8. Cheaper than dating. You don’t have to get the cinema tickets since your dildo paid for dinner — sweet date, right? No expensive birthday presents or paying for both of you. All you have to do is occasionally buy some lubricant and get a few packs of batteries, and that’s dirt-cheap. Perfect.

9. Exploration. The limit of sexual exploration is no longer confined to anal sex. There is such a massive selection of sex toys available these days that you’re bound to stumble upon something you’d never thought you’d enjoy.

10. You know exactly what you like. Harder, better, slower, faster — you take the drivers seat. There’s no thinking about anyone else, or risk of your bedroom partner making a mess of things.

11. Guaranteed happy ending. “I came.” Nothing infuriates a girl more than those two words. Going from 120 miles and hour to an abrupt halt is soul-destroying for a woman. A vibrator will never speak those words, you’ll never have to fake a smile and reassure your dildo that “it’s okay.” Now that’s a happy ending.