Borg Names We’re Sick of Seeing

Graphic by Sarah Wong

It’s the day after game day in ‘Cuse, and Castle Court is littered with its typical discarded alcohol paraphernalia and remnants of our 2003 national championship win that we keep celebrating for some reason. “Someone had a party…” you think to yourself as you stroll down Harrison Street, and you can’t help but notice an overwhelming collection of scribbled-on empty gallon-jugs crushed on the ground all around you. It’s a BORG graveyard.

BORGs (Blackout Rage Gallons) have been around for quite some time now – those who’ve spent a decent amount of time around college kids in the past few years are fully aware. But PTA moms are just now learning about them, and have called overwhelming amounts of news-outlet attention to them in just the past month. They are astonished, appalled even by the concept, and though we could talk for hours about the pros and cons of mixing your own drink in a jug and carrying it around like your firstborn child, neither college alcoholism nor the lack of environmental awareness on weekends in Syracuse are the epidemics we’re equipped to tackle just yet.

Instead, we raise you this: if you’re going to make a BORG, at least make it creative. 

Here are some BORG names we’re sick of seeing, because if not for your sake, do it for others: add some variation into our collective Satur-dage activities.

1. Borgasm

Funny, but way overdone. We’re all for sex-positivity and openness here at Jerk, but maybe try a new, fresh perspective. Like, for example, the realistic perspective of a female college student: How to Fake a Borgasm

1. Ruth Bader Ginsborg

Oh how we wish this one weren’t as overused as it is. If you’re really, truly passionate about cheering on our democracy as you day drink from the comfort of your private university, there are plenty of other names to use, e.g., Sonia Sotomayborg.

1. Certified Lover Borg

Straight up, you’re given so much creative liberty with trend, and you’re going to use your limitless bounds to make a Drake reference? Okay. You do you but… side eye.

1. Borgan Freeman

This one is getting so old. But let’s not retire it completely… if the next Morgan reference in line is Borgan Wallen, we’re more than happy to welcome Borgan Freeman back. So we’ll keep it on the sidelines for now.

1. Spongeborg

We see this one so much. Let’s get some inclusivity for those of us who grew up with strict, hippie-dippie moms in the 2000s. Some of us weren’t allowed to watch Spongeborg. Let’s try something our parents would be a little more proud of us for: Scholastic Borg Fair, perhaps?

1. Fuck it, we borg

Right off the bat, you sound like a frat boy. Sorry. If you’re gonna make a joke about balls, there are so many funnier ways to do it. Your options are basically endless.

1. Curious Borg

Listen. We’re glad Curious Geroge was formative enough of an experience for you that you’re willing to have it enter into this next stage of your life with you, but branch out: pbskids.borg is full of options. ;)

Long story short, it’s time for us to truly use this not-so-new trend as a much needed creative outlet. But if you choose not to, it’s really not our business – we know it’ll just end up discarded in a parking lot anyway.