Where Is Rihanna?

graphic by alexa kroin

We’re about to come upon the one-year anniversary of when the United States went into coronavirus lockdown. A whole year with jack shit to do. Yet some music artists who have PROMISED NEW MUSIC and have access to fancy recording studios have produced nothing. Seriously, has this not been the perfect time to self-isolate in a studio and make some music? Here are some artists we at Jerk miss. Very much. 

Rihanna

The name “Rihanna” is a trigger word. Her last album, ANTI, was released in 2016. It is currently 2021. We hate to be the ones to say this, but her music is going to start to get old soon. How many times can we blast “Needed Me” in the car before we need more? I mean, it’s honestly comical at this point. In December 2018, Rihanna said that her album will be debuting in 2019. Well, it’s a little later than 2019 right now! Luckily, she said recently that she is writing nonstop and we should expect an album in 2021. We really hope this is true. I mean queen, keep working on Fenty, we love it, but we would love some music too. 

One Direction

It had to be said. We sincerely apologize. 

Adele

The last time Adele released music was when the “Hello” video was a trend on Vine. VINE DOESN’T EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. This was in 2015. Thankfully, she gave us a whole plethora of sad songs to blast when literally any minor inconvenience happens. But we need more! It doesn’t help that new music from her gets teased all the time. Does anyone else remember when there was a rumor last fall that she and Harry Styles had a duet coming out? No? Well now you know, and I hope you’re suffering as well, knowing that could very well exist without us ever hearing it. 

Frank Ocean

We used to be a lot angrier that Frank Ocean hasn’t released a song since 2016. However, his brother unfortunately passed last year, so he is the only one on this list who gets a pass. We need to give him time to heal and to cope. We love you, Frank. You are an icon. 

Lorde

Lorde. Our girl. We love you but Melodrama came out in 2017. Please. Give us something we are struggling over here. We will bake you cookies, do your laundry, literally anything. We are giving you the green light to release some new songs!! Melodrama is the certified sitting-in-bed-and-crying album. It’s kind of sad to say that we need more songs like that. No one does it quite like Lorde. We miss her. 

Taylor swift

Lol joking we love you Taylor keep giving us all we want and more!