If you didn’t watch “The Bachelor'' this season, we have some good news for you (other than that you’re stronger than we are) — you didn’t miss much. This season starring Matt James has been a wild ride, and before we start, we just want to acknowledge how absolutely SICK the mansion is (La Quinta, who?). Nestled in the Poconos in Pennsylvania, the new fortress for the ladies has everything you could ask for, and all the things no one asked for! We’re looking at you, Matt’s personality. No matter how mind-numbingly boring Matt is, he did make history this season as the first Black bachelor, which was a big step for the historically veryyyy Caucasian franchise.

The first episode touched upon Matt’s racial identity and featured him talking about the expectations placed upon him as a Black man and as the first Black bachelor, but mainly pushed the idea that recurs throughout the whole season: Matt’s never been in love. Do we believe this? Not really, but we can roll with it — suspension of disbelief and all that. Even though Matt was incredibly lame as a person, his contestants were… not.

Let’s talk about Victoria. Queen Victoria (yeah, that’s her real listed job title), came in HOT with her tiara on and interrupted not one, but two of Matt’s other conversations on night one. Does she know that’s a major “Bachelor” faux pas?? We wish we could say she grows as a person and learns kindness and camaraderie, but that would be a blatant lie. She leaves the season just as gracefully as she entered — no hug, no handshake, just a biting last few words about how Matt is making a big mistake. God, we hope she’s on “Bachelor in Paradise.”

The mediator of the season, Katie, is everyone’s favorite girly. She was too good to win, so she is a definite front-runner (and our personal first choice) to be the next Bachelorette. Other noteworthy contestants include Michelle, the girl Matt SHOULD end up with, Rachael, the girl Matt will PROBABLY end up with (and the girl you heard about who was on Qanon and said wildly racist things in the past), and Abigail, the girl who was absolutely jipped of any time with Matt after getting the first impression rose on night one. There was also a girl named Kit who was 21, which is younger than many of our friends, so. Yep.

About two weeks into the season, the producers pulled some characteristic shenanigans and brought in a whole new set of girls to add to the existing pool. Spoiler alert: the self-titled “OG” girls were not too pleased with that development. Victoria bullied them to shit and then bullied Katie for “bullying” her (you know, the usual). One girl, Sarah, did end up having to leave the show early, citing family health concerns, but judging by the behavior of the other girls in the house, it very well could have been that she was bullied off the show.

It’s currently down to the final two: Michelle and Rachael. There’s a very obvious choice Matt *should* make, but will he? Absolutely not. Because this is still “The Bachelor.” All we really wanna know is whether they’re still together, and judging by Matt’s beard on the “Women Tell All” episode… we’re guessing they’re not.

Matt James Is Boring AF