Why is Co-Star Coming For Our Personal Lives?

graphic by lucinda strol

Here’s the situation: We’re all getting roasted on the daily by a goddamn app. To whoever is pushing out these daily Co-Star notifications: We’re on to you, and can we just say that you really might want to work on that attitude. 

If you have no idea what we’re talking about, allow us to explain.  Co-Star is a horoscope app that uses your birth date, time, and location to figure out your whole star chart. Apparently the app “uses NASA data, coupled with the methods of professional astronomers, to algorithmically generate insights about your personality and your future.” It also sends you a “your day at a glance” notification each morning, and it’s usually a little too accurate. Scary accurate. Sometimes Co-Star gives us the advice we need, but more often than not we read our daily horoscopes and feel attacked. 

Here are the top ten times that Co-Star came after us:

Has falling in love with a fantasy ever worked out for you?

Are you hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?

Run every questionable motive by a friend before you act today.

Are you giving more than you’re getting?

Try to act with self-respect today.

Nobody gets to own you.

You can’t save anyone, but yourself.

Silence your ego today.

Don’t be so desperate that you chase just anyone.

Try not to succumb to evil tendencies.

https://twitter.com/cambamlolz/status/1180565831320776707